anti-aa

People that know me well know very well that I don't like to fly American Airlines. I think the last time I was on an AA plane was when I flew to Paris with my sister close to 10 years ago. The trip back and forth on that AA made the worst impression of any airlines I had flown, i.e. a drunk stalker passenger that didn't stop talking to me progressively got worse because this stupid flight attendant kept giving him more alcohol, and on the way back, I had to experience a horrific flight thanks to a psychotic, bipolar drugged-up flight attendant that was kicking around passengers' bags and refused to get me and my sister any type of beverage, not even water!!! She was getting mad like a crazy cow at passengers for no apparent reason and had this Nazi attitude about everything. Feeling extremely uneasy and disturbed by the digusting experience, I wrote a formal complaint email to AA. Eventually, some dude called and offered a free ticket, and I flat out refused. That's how much I was disgusted by them and I still am. Some of you know me very well- once I am turned off, there is no coming back at all... it is extremely difficult for me to recover. As I started to travel more often, I became a faithful UA user since then... I'm very stubborn to not fly AA even till this day. My travel buddy flies no one but AA, so we always end up booking different flights, and it will stay that way as long as I live.

Well, just a few days ago, I received a letter with my mileage summary from AA and an invitation to redeem miles for magazine subscriptions. This is the first time they sent me such letter. Why not, I thought... Most likely, I will not be flying AA in the future anyhow unless AA is the only airline existent on this planet, and I know the miles will expire this year, so I did what I usually don't do- order subscriptions. Fortunately (?), I didn't have enough miles to get a reward trip, and used up all but 24 miles to get nine different magazines- no, they are not all fashion magazines. Some business, golf, FOOD, and home interioir mags... Although I've left the measly 24 miles- unused, this is more or less a final closure that will forever close the door to AA.

2nd eye damage in my life

Okay, so more things are happening, but not all of them are good. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but it finally happened yesterday. -_- It's no joke when I say I've been suffering from dryness of both my right and left eyes. I use artifical tears and it does help to watch sad movies so I squeeze some liquid from my idle tear glands and get a chance to wet my eyes.

This all came about when I started wearing contact lenses since high school. My eyes were so dry that when my eye doc wanted me to try gas-permeable lenses because she claimed that my vision will improve, I almost commited suicide! I was getting nauseated from my lenses moving around everytime I blinked- yes, everytime eyeballs moved, I could see the edges of the lenses as white blurry rims..... I had to suffer like that for months. Anyway, my incompetent eye doc still did not make any diagnosis and I suffered.... Finally she let me try soft lenses after I begged and begged, and just like night guards, once you go soft, you never go back to the hard ones! To make long short, due to the severe dryness, I ended up with a severe eye infection in 2005. I was forever banned from wearing contacts (and lasik surgery is contraindicated in my case), but I cheated after behaving for months. Then recently, I felt it- felt that severe dryness. I changed my disposable contacts yesterday before I went out to the beach, but it hit me really hard all of a sudden. Couldn't do much until I made it home. That needle-poking pain... WTF- when I looked in the mirror, it was so much worse than the first infection. I could see the damage on my right cornea... the same eye I had trouble with. Since my life is at stake and I have yet to get a disability insurance, I will be seeing my ophthalmologist (not the old optometrist- don't even know what the hell happened to her) first thing in the morning tomorrow. Well, I had to see patients all day with my glasses on and I really did not feel normal at all.

I don't know about you people, but when I can't see too well (because when you wear glasses, you don't get an accurate peripheral vision as you do when wearing contact lenses), I also can't hear too well. If you haven't experienced that, well.... I guess I'm just a weirdo...
photo by YJK

my handwriting to blame...

Ok, so I have not been blogging as faithfully as I promised myself previously. That is because I don't have much going on in my life right now. Things are pretty dormant. I have not been taking gazillion trips like I did the last few years, work is work, weekends are spent doing pretty much the same things I usually do every weeekend. Anyway, I thought I mention something that's never happened to me before.

As usual, I was checking all the charges that were made to my credit cardS and found two of them to be incorrect! WTF! So I looked up the original receipts- It's a good thing I keep all my receipts- yes people, I keep all of them, and on a daily basis, I record all my expenses so that I won't have to go insane and call 911 in January when I have to do my tax return. I am extremely organized and anal about categorizing all my expenses so I can maximize my tax deductions- yes people, you'd be surprised how much you could save if you were diligent about keeping things organized. Anyway, what I wanted to say was those incorrect charges were made at restaurants, and I'm assuming the tip amount and the total amount were probably not legible. In total, I lost less than a dollar, but still, it sucks that I have to pay for my artistic handwriting.
Ha, you would know if you ever saw my signature. But anyhow, I did learn a valuable lesson this time. I will know to write legibly on those stupid restaurant receipts.

photo by J.Lee

weekend drama

오늘도 나의 땡끄를 끌고 다운타운으로 나가주었다. 나가는 길에 또다시 스피드할수 있어서 기분전환에 perfecto. 아침에는 더울거 같았지만 막상 비취에 나가니 바람불고 햇님은 구름사이로 숨어버리고 나올 생각을 하지않았다. 여름이면 항상 태우는 나는 작년에 너무 여행하는라 $$$을 많이 써서 이번 년도에는 좀 참기로 했기때메 미시간 호수의 우습지도않은 꾸정물 파도로 어는정도 맘을 달래기로 결심. 가증스러운 꾸정물을 바라보며 magic wand같은거로 저 브라운 물을 아루바의 아콰물로 바꿀수만있다면.... 이상한 생각까지했다. 근데 오늘날씨는 별로 안바쳐주었기에 다음 주말이 벌써 기다려진다. 엄마랑 아빠왈, "너는 안태워도 까만애가 왠만하면 참지..." 그래도 지금 내 모습은 내가 볼땐 너무 히끼무래하다... 힘없는 두부같이...

오늘은 우리 애기 생일이기때메 집에 일찍(?)들어와서 조그마한 생일파티를 해줬다. 짜쉭 너무 귀엽게는 생겨갸지고. 정말로 눈에 넣어도 안아픈 내 애기다. 어제는 내 옆에서 천장이 날라가게 코를 골며 자는데 진짜로 과관이였음. 나중에는 잠꼬대까지 해가며 자는데 깨우니까 화들짝 놀라기까지하는 귀여운 짜식.

방금 친구가 전화해서 이번에 결혼하는 친구 bridal shower를 우리둘이 플랜하겠다고 얘기했다는데 솔찍히 이제까지 브라이드메이드한다고 드레스값에 (전혀 내스타일도 아니고, 한번 입고 말것을....), 7월에 있을 크레이지 bachelorette party에 들어가는 비용 (호텔에 방몇게 잡았음), 그런데다가 결혼식이 금요일이라 그날은 일 재끼고 목요일은 rehearsal dinner라서 그날 환자 많이 못보지, etc. 생각하면 기분이 영 아님. 내가 결혼하는것도 아닌데, 정말 돈 많.이.든다. 친한 친구라서 해줄수있지 아무게 브라이드메이드했음 돌아가셨을뻔. 이제 얼마안있음 condo closing도 해야하는데 돈쓰는거 진짜 재미없음. 이럴 돈있음 여행을 가는건데, 너무 너무 슬퍼진다.... 흑 흑...

오늘 또 요가도 못하고 쓰잘때기없이 시간만보냈다... 젠장...

photo by J.Lee

speed, baby

On the way to the city yesterday I was pleasantly surprised to see almost no traffic. Thanks to this rare chance to speed a little more than usual- it was a good way to relieve some of my distress. My beautiful, sturdy tank (v-8, hp of almost 500) knows to speed well and performs to my expectations. I wish Chicago kept the kind of weather we had yesterday- it was perfectly breezy with the perfect amount of sunshine- of course, no humidity. Walking along Lake Michigan made me realize how pretty this city is although I ended up getting blisters on my feet from walking in heels.... so stupid.... My plans to run today got ruined, but whatever happens, happens. Oh no, I still have to make up the missed yoga sessions from the last two days. Craptacular!

photo by J.Lee

또 다시

어젯 밤에 요가를 끝마치고 매트위에서 잠이 들어버렸다... 젠장... 한 시간하고 쓰려졌으니.... 오늘은 주말이 시작이라 그런지 내일 두시간할거 생각하고 제끼기로 했다. 오늘은 하루종일 환자를 정신없이 봤더니 좀 피곤하긴 하네. 내일은 날씨도 좋다는데 환자가 빽빽하게 스케줄이 됐네... 젠장... 일안하는 토요일에는 날씨가 드럽고 일해야하는 날은 날씨가 화창하다. 내일 비치에라도 나가줘야 할텐데.... 삐삐는 이빨닦여줬더니 내 옆에서 지금 쓰러져 자네... 두눈을 아주 꼬옥 감고말야.... 귀여운 짜식. 이렇게도 귀여울수가 없다 우리 애기는. 이틀만 있음 우리 애기 생일이다. 더 이상 늙지않고 나랑 한 평생 같이 살았으면 하는 바램이 너무 간절하다.

sleepy sleepy head

ok, so i was proud of practicing yoga for two full hours last night, but as i untwisted and layed my tired body on the mat and immersed myself into the last pose- shavasana- i fell asleep... fell asleep on my yoga mat in the living room and woke up feeling pretty chilly. i must've been laying down like that for an hour and a half. if someone had put a blanket over me, i might've easily spent the night on the mat, who knows.... this would have never happened years ago... have i aged that much? it took me a while to wake up to the reality and had to laugh at myself. after all, you can never be too serious. ok, i am about to do another hour of yoga now. cheers to me!

photo by J.Lee

family plan?

So I learned something new about myself yesterday and was quite pleasantly surprised by it. I ended up seeing a family of six boys from ages 12 to 11 months. Both parents showed up with the kids, and I must say, it was a pretty efficient family as both the mom and dad were authoritative figures. As I was seeing these patients, I couldn't help but feel envious. I know, I know... I work on a lot of kiddies- kids, in general, are squirmy creatures, but some of them- I really would like to adopt because they are truly cute and well-behaved, but never have I wanted to have that many kids. It was the strangest feeling. I really am starting to feel like I want to have a family of my own. 정말로 이상한 기분이였다. 그런데다 그 후로 어제 오후에 온 여자아이 환자는 너무나도 심한 치과 공포증이 있었는데, 내가 항상 하는식으로 엄청 애한테 애교떨고 마구 달래주고 했더니 치료후에 생각지도 않았던 귀여운 허그로 나를 깜짝! 내가 오히려 아이들로인해 감동받으며 산다. 그래서 느낀건데, 내 자식낳고 살면 얼마나 더 보람이 있을까? 생각만해도 짜릿하고 감동적이다... 하지만 내 스태터스가 영 바쳐주질 않으니 참 비극일수 밖에... 에궁... 어디 클리닠에가서 씨를 찾아야하나 아님 아이 아빠가 나타날때까지 기다려야 하나? 나이가 나이인만큼 오래 기다리지않게 빨리 나타나기를.... 기다리는 동안 아무것도 가진게 없는 나는 돈이라도 많이 벌어놔야 할텐데.... 이것도 저것도 없는 나는 어제도 오늘도 방황한다. 제일로 걱정이 되는건 이 나이에도 절실한 사랑을 만날수가 있을까. 아니라면 아무랑 애낳고 살아도 상관이 없겠다. 설마 하나님은 나보고 평생 혼자 살라고 그러는건 아니겠지... 괜시리 평생 혼자 살 생각하니까 무섭다. 제발 아니길 바란다. 나이가 드니까 덤덤하고 무뎌지는 면도 없지않아 있지만 사랑만큼에는 무뎌지고 싶지않은게 내 진심이고 바램이다. 아직 그런 마음은 간직하며 살고 싶다. 그리고 이런 희망을 갖고 사는 내가 좋을뿐이다. ㅎㅎ

photo by J.Lee

my precious baby

Everytime I am away from home, my baby never forgets to wait for me. Believe me, she knows when I go on trips that I won't be back for a while and is happy to talk on the phone with me when I'm away. She misses me terribly and I miss her terribly. She gets extremely sad and nervous when I start packing, but she is a completely different person (?) when I come back home- simply ecstatic! I love coming home to my love- my baby.... What would I do without you my baby.... She's gotten very much accustomed to receiving gifts from me whenever I come home from trips that she is always eager to have me open my suitcase so that she can find her present in there. I can never relax upon arriving, because she will always want me to unpack right away. She gives me no break! Yesterday was no exception- she strip-searched my purse and my suitcase and found all of her gifts. She was simply over-joyed and didn't even want to eat any snacks I had offered her. Silly baby.... that's my baby....

She's barely 19 lbs, but she takes up half the size of my bed, sleeps on all four pillows of mine and wants to be under the covers, tosses and turns during the night, kicks me forcefully when she sleeps, snores when she's tired and wakes me up when she sleep-talks, hops into the basket of freshly done laundry because it's warm, licks my lips when she wants to wake me up to have me open up the blinds to get sunshine in the morning, gets pissed off when I can't make time to play games with her- the games that she herself created, but baby, you know I love you very much, because these are the reasons that I love you, baby, and much more! A thousand kisses everyday is not enough although you get annoyed when I give you kisses, but I love you again and again, forever and ever and ever.... I love you, baby...

phoyo by J.Lee

아쉬움

그렇게 가고 싶었던 뉴욕을 드디어 갔다왔다!!! 너무나도 반가운 사람들을 많나게 됐고 도시의 냄새도 실컷 맡고 오랜만에 즐거운 여행을 하게돼서 뿌듯한 마음으로 돌아왔다. 지금은 여행 후유증으로 시달리고 있지만.... 항상 여행후에는 또 다른 여행이 필요한 법! 짧은 여행이였기에 더욱더 아쉬움이 많지만 어쩔수 없는걸.... 택시를 타고 공항으로 다시 돌아가는 내 발길이 너무나도 무거웠던걸 보면 역시 나는 시카고에서 오래 있지않을거 같다. 나도 내가 제발 가만히 한곳에 있길 바라지만 무슨 계시인지 아무래도 딴곳에서 나를 부르는거 같다. 그곳이 어딘지는 아직은 모르지만 내꿈이 그곳에 있는것만은 분명하다. 하루빨리 내 꿈을 찾자!

photo by J.Lee

내것이 아니라서 느끼는 서러움

오랜만에 내가 선택한 직업에 대해서 회희를 느낀다. 아니, 무엇보다도 내것이 아닌 남의 병원에서 일을 하며 끼니를 잇는 (?) 내 삶에 대해서 더한 서러움을 느꼈다. 또, 내가 여자의사라서 느끼는 한계와 날 도울수 있는 사람은 오직 하나- 바로 나라는 싱글 스태터스가 나를 슬프게 만들었다. 더더욱 이렇게 날 슬프게 하는것들은 여자들이 여자들한테 갖고 있는 편견과 차별.

뭘 위해 그렇게 바둥바둥 사는것일까. 인생이란 이렇게 살아야 하는게 아니거 같은데 내가 갑갑한 곳에 갖혀 있는거 같다. 나만이 내 자신을 이 틀에서 벗어나게 해줄수있다는걸 알지만 방법을 모르겠다. 언제까지 이런 방황을 해야하는지 모르겠지만 이제는 지겹다. 지겹고 지쳐서 어떤 생각도 나지 않는다. 내가 너무 욕심이 많은것일까?

부활

오늘은 해피 이스터... 하지만 참 기분 꿀꿀한 날이기도하다... 일어나자마자 기분이 영 아니었는데 왜 그런지 참 기분 묘한날이다.

어젯 밤에 성당에 다녀와서 뿌듯은 했는데....

사는게 왜 이리 힘이 드는지 잘 모르겠다. 난 결혼도 안했는데 친구들 태몽이나 꿔주고... 누구가 그러는데 내가 미리꾼 태몽이란다. 믿어야 할지 참 난처하다.

친구가 오늘 내 칸도 오픈 하우스에가고 싶다길래 갔더니 왠걸, 문이 닫혔네.... 역시 아침부터 기분이 이상했었던 이유가 있었나부다... 이런날은 가만히 집에서 잠자코 있어줘야쥐.... 구경온 사람들도 꽤 많이 있던데, 이사람들은 집을 팔고 싶은거야 뭐야? 너무 느긋한거 아닌가?

하여튼 지금은 삐삐랑 조용히 남은 주말을 보내면서 나의 인생의 부활을 고민해야겠다.

photo by J.Lee

Whatever happens in Vegas ______ in Vegas?

So my Vegas trip with my best friends turned out all right though it was not as hilarious as our Puerto Rico trip in 05. Being a weekend trip it was, we had to manage our time very well.

Friday night, RP and I arrived late and we searched for food as hunger was not going to get in the way of our usual partying with several martinis, shots, etc. The rest of the gang had already arrived earlier that day and was quick to get out and party. After we checked in, RP and I just wanted to kick it and relax; however thinking about the angry faces of our friends, we slowly got ready and dragged our asses out in our one-layer clothes and heels in the freezing weather... It was either that or wearing my cowboy boots with North Face jacket.... I didn't have the courage to wear those to a club.

The first night was all right with no drama... which is unusual for us. The next day though, JK was dramatizing a certain action on GA and fell off her bed while bouncing off her head nicely on the wall and landing flat on her nose. Luckily, no nosebleed, but ended up with a bump on her forehead. Then next, I started to jump up and down on a sofa chair while being excited about something I can't even remember, the chair got tipsy and I almost fell backwards and could have thrown myself out of the hotel very quickly, through the big window of our room! Thanks to my flexible body- I have much to thank my gymnastics experience in junior high as I saved my own life by swiftly balancing forward. Then what we did next, you're never going to believe. Since we did not feel like stuffing ourselves with another buffet dinner, we smartly decided to order pizza in. But the dilemma was we had to pick it up from the delivery in the LOBBY.... Who does that at freakin' Bellagio? And what did we do? Of course we decided to do it and draw straws to pick one person to do the deed. Well, since everyone chickened out, and being the bravest one, I volunteerd to sacrifice myself and spare no dignitiy to feed my buddies and I picked JK to be my wing-girl. No biggie... until we got to the lobby and saw herds of people populating the lobby like ants swarming over a piece of bread crum. We spotted the delivery-man rather quickly as no one is swarming over two large cases of pizza and a full plastic bag. Righ away, we picked up the pizza like a pro from the delivery guy.... Then, I started to painfully feel the stares of numerous strangers on every part of my body, and what I didn't notice was, I started to sprint, speed-walk.... and felt the sweat coming down on my face.... In the mean time, JK is craking up in half looking at my ass sprinting the long walk to the elevator out of deathly embarrassment..... Then I heard someone whispering, "wow, they're smart!".... well, at least we are smart.... but I realized we can be pretty stupid. That was an ass-sweating experience I will never forget.

That night, we went to a couple of uninteresting clubs.... Then, our next destination was the highlight of the night for the activity I will not discuss on this website.... Whatever happens in Vegas.... surely stays in Vegas!

photo by J. Lee

my new talent

So I discovered a new talent I never knew I had. I guess I kind of knew, but have not been able to utilize it. I used to sublet my apartments when I was in college for $650- 700 for 2- 2.5 months. People used to say that I was crazy, because normally, people advertised for $250-300 for the summer semester and that seemed to be enough for them. Well, not for me! My apartments were all very nice (sometimes too nice for a normal college kid) except this one apartment I lived in with my sis during my junior year. At first, we were excited about the apt becaues it felt like we were at a secluded resort in a wooded area, but later on, that became creepy.... freaky... because it was a half-basement! It was like one-of-a-kind zoo, specialized in bugs as we saw all kinds of insects we had never seen before.... Yeww.....

Anyway, the money I eaerned from sub-letting... of course, I split with my roomate, but still, it was good money in addition to the $$ I earned from reselling my books after each semester was over. How did I spend all that money? I don't even remember.... I always bought a lot of things.... and now that I realize how much crap I've accumulated from all those years of moving back and forth while I was in school and in between schools, I am determined to sell things I have not used for years although they are new or almost new. I can't believe how much $$$ I wasted all these years, buying unnecessary crap and all. I'm just happy to get rid of them all.

I guess we all learn something new everyday.... I've been learning recently not to be compulsive when it comes to shopping. I just think about all the crap I have to sell. I'm sure there is a ton of more stuff I can sell... I just can't think of all of them! Anyway, all my listings are pretty hot because of the good pictures ;) and who ever gets my stuff is a lucky bastard... that's all I gotta say.

Photo by J. Lee

무서운 도시

이곳은 한눈에 반할정도로 멋있는 곳이다. 산과 나무와 호수가 이곳 저곳에 깔린, 너무도 이쁜 도시다. 반면에 아직도 발전하지못하고 시골틱한 곳이 (거의 농촌같은곳) 여기저기 있기때문에 밤에 길을 잃거나 눈이 오면 엄청 무서워진다. 저번에 눈이 많이왔을 경우에 약 20마일 오기를 네시간 반만에 왔다... 보통이면 30분밖에 안걸리는 거리를... 어쩜 이렇게 도시가 그런 로드 컨디션에 대책이 없을까 많이 궁금하다.

이번 Kim family사건만해도 넘넘 슬프고 안타까운맘에 화가 날 정도다.... 그런 길에 자그만 싸인이라도 있었음 그런 낭패는 없었을텐데.... 더군다나 오리건주는 더 시골틱한데.... 내가 이곳에서 길을 많이 노쳐봐서(?) 잘 알지만 산이 둘러싸고 있어서 길이 위험할수가 있고 호수가 여기저기에 있어서 길이 뚤리지않은 곳이 일수이다.... 아이로닠하게 식구를 살릴려다 목숨을 잃은 그 젊은남자는 high tech guy.... 자연 현상은 아무도 막지 못하는 위험한거... technology도 nature와의 싸움에서는 이길수 없는거.... 2006년인데도 불구하고 거의 성냥팔이 소녀를 생각나게하는 사건.... 그리고 끈질긴 목숨도 단번에 잃을수있다는 끔찍함이 이제까지 내게 있었던 일들을 연상시킨다.... 내가 치대다닐때 아무 생각없이 길을 건너던 나를 구해줬던 서너명의 친구들.... 아님 나는 그 큰 버스에 찍- 하고 깔려 죽었을텐데.... 내 코를 바로 스쳐갔던 버스를 생각하면 아직도 소름이 쫙~ 끼친다......

싸늘한 자연속의 모질함과 싸우며 추위에 끊긴 목숨을 생각하며... my heart goes out to the Kim family....

photo by J. Lee

깜씨 이지혜

A local Mexican guy asked me if I was Mexican.... What do I say to that?!? I've been told I look Philipino, but no one ever said I look Mexican. I didn't think that I tanned all that much compared to how dark I got when I was in Aruba. Hey sis, you know what I'm talking about, right? ;)

photo by J. Lee

새로운 시작

훌~훌~ 털고 또 다시 시작이다. 정말로 지옥같은 곳에서 벗어났으니 이제는 좋은일만 있어야한다. 시카고에서는 날 찾는 사람이 많은데.... 벌써 폰 인터뷰를 원하는 의사들이 있는딩.... 이곳은 어디에 그렇게 꼭꼭 숨어있길래..... 참 갈등생기네.... 환자보는것도 보람이있지만 평생 치과에서 썩어가기에는 내가 참으로 아깝다 (왠 narcissism 퍽~). 사이드 비지네스를 해야할 시간이 온건가? 이걸 기회로 삼아서 확 질러뿌려? 아님 다시 첼로 활을 다시 잡아버려? ㅋㅋㅋ
하여튼 생각이 넘 많아 요즘 내 뇌세포가 깜짝깜짝 놀라는게 느껴진다....
아~ 난 다시 태어나면 대통령이 되고싶다....

photo by J. Lee

인간 쓰레기

어제 인간 쓰레기중 제일로 드러운 인간... 아니, 완전 짐승을 만났다. 미국내에 흔치않은 auto immune 병과 마약중독까지 심하게 앓고 있는 환자였다. 얼마나 narcotics를 간절히 원했는지 drug withdrawl symptoms가 완연했고 나한테 온갖 얘기를 주저리 주저리 거리며 약을 처방해달라고 징징거리며 계속 울더라. 몇 몇 검사를 해본결과 환자가 설명하는 치아랑 관련된 고통이 순 거짓말이라고 단련짖게 되었다. 알고 봤더니 몇년동안 comprehensive examination을 한번도 안하고 줄곳 emergency로 들어와서 약만 받아갔던 히스토리가 있더라. 그 환자를 몇 싶년동안 치료하고있는 doctor of family medicine과 상담을하고 난뒤 그냥 Ibuprofen 800mg을 처방하고 환자가 원하는 restriction이 심한 narcotics는 처방을 안했더니 갑자기 미친 괴물로 변하더니 나한테 밖에 나가서 한판 하자고 하는데 이건 웃어야하는건지 경찰을 불러야하는건지 모르겠는데 난 내 할 도리는 다했고 내가 판결한거에 대해서는 아무 후회없다. 난 그냥 웃어버리고 환자가 광견병에 걸린 미친개같이 짖는것에 대꾸하지 않았다. 처음에 환자한테 의사 contact info를 물어봤었을때 의사가 지금 딴곳에 가있다고 거짓말부터 시작해서 닥치는데로 거짓말을 해놓고 나보고 거짓말쟁이란다.

왜 그렇게 사는걸까... 사회가 볼때 문제점이 많은 사람들은 보통보면 어릴때 부터 시연치 않은게 보통이고 많은 경우가 부모 사랑을 제대로 못받았던게 문제가 된다. 물론 선천적인 병으로 인해 사회에 적응못하고 불만을 무서운것으로 발전시키는 인간도 있지만.... 불쌍하기도 하지만 자신의 불만으로인해 다른 사람들한테 피해를 주는거는 참으로 못난거다. 인간 구실도 제대로 못한다면.... 살이유는 없다...

난 이 지옥같은 곳에서 빨리 벗어나야겠다... 난 이렇게 마약중독자 많이보는 치과는 처음본다. 아무래도 west coast에는 미치갱이 마약쭉쭉빨이들이 훨많은거 같다. Cali에 있는 정신과 의사신 큰외삼촌이 놀러와서 얘기를 들어보니 참 내가 정신과 의사가 안된걸 하나님께 감사한다.
Higher end 환자를 다시봐야 내 건강에도 좋을거 같다. 난 rehab center에서 일하는게 아닌데 healthcare provider라는 이유로 별에 별 지랄같은걸 본다...특히 여기와서는.... 난 아예 유럽으로 떠야겠다.

내안에 꼬마...

점점 나이가 드는지 항상 열심히 앞만보고 달려온 내가 요즘들어서는 자꾸뒤를 돌아본다. 항상 아무 후회없이 사는게 하루하루 목표인데 그게 슆지만은 않은가 보다. 바로 죽는 순간에 이제까지 살아온 인생을 돌아보며 아무 후회가 없노라 하면 얼마나 좋을까? 그게 정말 가능한가 지금은 모르겠다.

자꾸 뒤는 왜 돌아봐? 이제는 나이가 먹나? 잘 모르겠다. 하는 짓보면 내가 봐도 난 내안에 꼬마가 아주 드세서 아직도 6살짜리 같은데... 내 나이또래같이 행동하려고 노력해도 내 성격때메 그게 슆지가않다. 내 일곱 어시스턴트가 다 17 에서 21살인 애들인데 게네들하고 낄낄거리면서 시간가는줄 모르니 참 어쩔때는 한심하다... 꼬마 환자들하고도 말이 잘 통해서 치료하는데는 큰도움! 지금 생각해보니 환자가 애건 어른이건 치료하면서 맨날마다 낄낄낄.... 이럼 안되겠지...

철들자... ㅋㅋㅋ 후회없이 살자....
꼬마야 날 그만 웃겨라!

miss birthday forgetter!!!!!!!!!

Miss Birthday Forgetter is the title Rupal gave me several days ago. This is the e-mail she sent me. I was shocked that I had forgotten. Arrrrrgh!!!!!

"BH...u forgot my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!
U better have a good excuse missy why you didnt call me!!!!!!!!!
Bye...miss birthday forgetter!!!!!"

BH= bitch head. My friends often call me that as well.... hahaha.

It is tough not living in the same city as your best friends. Right before we were graduating, we were all shocked to find out that Ruapl was moving to Cali for her pedo residency, because it was so very unexpected.... but we managed her departure pretty well except when she had her going-away party and totally pissed me off. I think that having seven glasses of martini and a few shots might have had an effect on me. Then me moving here made it even more diffcult to get together on special occasions. I was sad to not have joined Joann for the celebration of her engagement... especially because she has been such a special one to me. For it is difficult to meet, we often call and write e-mails.

I still cannot believe it totally slipped my mind to call Rupal on her b-day as I clearly remember waking up that day and thinking that I should call her. However, as the day went by, having experienced several craptacular events resulted in a momentary amnesia.

Ok, I need to find myself again... get myself organized... No more amnesia!!!!!
I miss you, friends~~